Marsha is 37 years old and is currently managing a McDonalds in Chisago City. Taylor started bicycling in her first year of college only to get to and from her interviews. After she graduated her hobby turned into a passion. Taylor eventually became involved with some groups of cyclists were she participated in weekend rides and some races. This year alone Marsha said to have ridden over 3,500 miles in the Governors tour, which traveled across the state and another ride, which takes you across the United States.
This passion was abruptly taken from Taylor after a short ride down 72nd Street almost to Southland Boulevard when a car hit her from behind, sending her flying off her bike into the air.
After being sent to a rehabilitation facility, Marsha soon developed complications. The doctors discovered she had internal injuries involving her liver, gall bladder and a perforated intestine. These undetected complications caused Marsha’s skin to turn orange like a “Halloween pumpkin.” Says her mother, and two extra months in the hospital.
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I think stuff like "college only to get to and from her interviews" is giving weight to things that the person being interviewed didn't say, or if they did say it then put it in quotes to avoid confusion.
ReplyDeleteGood details and your lead was straight to the point. I agree with Kevin though, make sure not to put opinionated things into your story unless its a direct quote.
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